now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
