I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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