If i come over, it means nothing
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
