You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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