Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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