Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
