I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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