He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
