Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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