There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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