i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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