Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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