i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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