I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
