I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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