girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want a musical about memes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
