I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
