I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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