she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
