It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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