The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
