You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
