Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
