I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
