do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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