So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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