I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
