1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
