We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
