She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
