Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
