i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
