I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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