I molested 6 butterflies tonight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize