I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
