This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
