She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
