I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
