It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
