STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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