My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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