I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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