Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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