If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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