Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
