I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
