So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
