mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
