put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
