i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
