Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
