Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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