Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
