I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
