woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
