guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
