is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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