It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
