I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
