Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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