Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
