I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
