she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
