I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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