I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
