So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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