I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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