i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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