the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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