even my farts smell like vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
